October Stories - Hugo: Man of a Thousand Faces
A quick disclaimer - This entry will, nay, must contain an excessive amount of foul language.
Holy shit, there was this friggin toy from 1975 that scared the bejesus out of me. It still does. Kenner, the toy company, summoned this Hugo thing into existence when I was about eight years old. It was billed as Hugo: The Man of a Thousand Faces, but while watching the commercial, I displayed only one face, that of abject terror. Hadn’t we all been through enough, Kenner? It was 1975. We were still coming to terms with Vietnam and Watergate and now we had to deal with this shit?
Alright, let’s get into this. First of all, let me state that I could not re-watch the Hugo ads on YouTube - just couldn’t do it. I could barely even review the images of this “toy” for more than five seconds before having to look away in disgust. I will describe it as best I can from these fleeting glances and from memory.
The product consisted of a too-realistic looking bald head, neck, and torso of sorts, with little plastic arm-hands, and just enough body to put a shirt or Nehru jacket on. It’s face was angular and benignly menacing. Altogether it looked like one half of Yul Brynner. It came with disguise accessories such as wigs, scars, moles, mustaches, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Apparently, these looks would help him blend in and disappear in a crowd. I’m not sure how far he’d get with no bottom half. If his enemies were chasing him around the globe and trying to catch him at International transportation hubs, I would suggest they follow the man rolling on the ground through the airport leaving a trail of fake teeth, fuzzy eyebrows, and whatever else crap was included in his box.
Girls had a version of this toy - The Barbie Styling Head. It wasn’t quite as creepy, but I wouldn’t want either one of them on the dresser in my room at night, where I could hear them shuffle and moan, whispering my name. I can only assume that this was the end of a career for the asshole at Kenner who pitched this idea. I’m sure there were a lot of parents of scared little kids who would’ve liked to run him out of town. I imagine he put on Hugo’s fake mole, eyepatch, and zipper scar and slipped out the back door.
